Jobs did not believe in customer surveys or focus groups to find out what they want in a product. He believed customers, for the most part, do not know what they want, but when he came out with his unique products, people found out they could not live without one. He trusted himself more than he trusted others. Many of the greatest artists and inventors felt the same way and changed history.

Think about companies started by one or two people not afraid to fail, like IKEA, Facebook, McDonalds, Microsoft, Hewlett-Packard, Google, Amazon, Disney, Harley Davidson and, of course, Apple. There are hundreds more.

Jobs was fired by his successor but continued his dream and he eventually returned to Apple as its leader and led it to greater success. In his 2005 speech to Stamford graduates, he said “Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”

He encouraged those who listened to him not to fear failure, but to listen instead to the voice in back of your head. Many of us snuff out that little voice and listen to what others want us to be.

He believed that anything is possible through hard work, determination and vision. And at the end of the day, he was just a regular guy, like any of us in many ways.

Live a vital life.

We know that getting rid of that clutter will make it easier to find the items we do need. That translates to lives with less anxiety in them, because we all know that that item we need always must be found in a ridiculously short period of time.

We won’t even go to the collection of allergens and dust that collect in that clutter.

We just find the item (or not) postpone it once more, berating ourselves on how it got to this stage, and promising to get to it soon, secretly knowing we never will; and why? The number one reason: Because we might just need it someday.

Whether we grew up in an environment where money was tight, or have fears about the future, the majority of things we save will never be used again.

Some of our possessions can be intertwined with sentimental values or events in our past, and for our own reasons find it psychologically difficult to discard them. Sports memorabilia and awards are reminders of past accomplishments. Other objects are part of family history and we feel obliged to keep them in trust, even if we are the only one who thinks so.

What to do? We could buy a bigger house but it may be more effective to keep the same house and reduce the volume of its contents.

Try to keep a replacement rule. Buying something new can be paired with letting something similar go. Honestly, this is an easy to say, hard to do rule. However, if we see our clothing piling up, it might be a good idea to donate some of the older ones.

Many of us have “sentimental” items linked to our past that have been stored untouched in attic or basement. Perhaps they are part of the family history but not something we want displayed in our home. And perhaps they are not as important as we think.

So what to do? Perhaps someone else in the family will store the items or if no one wants them, perhaps they can be sold and the proceeds shared by the family.

Many of us are storing items that are sentimental to other family members and perhaps friends. We who are parents know those other family members are many times our children, who go off and live their lives and leave their “sentimental” possessions in our garage or their old bedrooms.

Do relatives and family members treat your home like a storage facility? Politely ask them to come and claim them by a certain date, otherwise the items will be sold or trashed. This is a tough line, but we have a right not to be taken advantage of.

Another tough line to face is that we are the clutterers and taking advantage of our spouses and/or fellow residents of our home. Involve them in friendly discussions of what your and their vision of what your living space should be.

Lastly, face the time it will take to de-clutter and reorganize your space. Enlist the help of other family members. Divide big jobs into manageable tasks. Separate these jobs into bags for charity and bags of trash.

Decrease the stress in your home along with the clutter. Eliminate panic cleanups when guests are due.

Live a vital life.

The last marathon I ran was about twenty years ago.

Running a marathon was on my “bucket list” and I did it, and paid for it, both in the pain and stress of training, and the pain and stress of stopping my training right after I ran that race.

I had seen a “running your first marathon” training schedule in a fitness magazine, and since I was aging and refused to buy into it, I decided to go for that crazy distance.

I have since read that there was good reason the original Greek warrior died of a heart attack after completing his running journey to Athens from Marathon to announce victory over the Persians.

It wasn’t just that trip. Several days before, the herald (a renowned professional long-distance runner) ran 132 miles (214 km) on rough, unpaved roads over very hilly terrain in two days from Athens to Sparta, then another 156 miles (252 km) back past Athens to the Marathon battle site, probably fought all day in the battle, and then ran the remaining 26 miles (42km) to Athens to report the victory.

No wonder he died. But he was a herald, and that was his job.

The run to Sparta has been documented, and we can assume the herald ran back, but the Spartans wanted to wait nine days to join the battle because of a religious festival. There is debate about the historical accuracy of the run to Athens and the heart attack.

The tradition of the Olympic Marathon was started in 1896 was set at 40km. The 1908 London Olympics added a lap inside the Olympic Stadium, setting the distance at 26 miles, 385 yards, to finish in front of the Royal family box so they could have a better view of the finish.

So much for the history. I was fascinated by the thought of running 26+ miles and decided to go for it..

Running a marathon is significant abuse to your body. In Detroit in 2009, three runners died during the marathon. It was reported as not statistically significant in a race with 19,000 entrants, except to the families of those who died.

“I think the overlying message has got to be marathon running is good for your health,” said Robert Sallis, chief of sports medicine at Kaiser Permanente Medical Center in Fontana, California.

When asked about the 25-year old who died, he replied, “Even though he died while he was out for a run, it’s clear that the running was beneficial to him,” Sallis said. “He’s not an example of why marathon running is dangerous. It’s clear to me that the running probably prolonged his life.” OK….

My purpose here is not to trash marathons. A study on London Marathon runners over a 20 year period, in fact, found that with a rate of death of 1 in 67,414 (representing 1 in 2,000,000 miles run) marathon running was no more dangerous than many other daily activities.

As a side note, I am disconcerted at the clinical disconnecting of people’s death during and in the days following the marathon event. Even if the strain on their bodies caused terminal failure, they deny it was the marathon event that held any cause.

Twenty years ago, I was capable of running one-third the distance across New Jersey in a single effort at better than 10 minutes per mile. Today, I am unlikely to recapture that physical condition or body anytime soon.

What did I learn?

The only thing remaining vividly in my memory is the pain of training and the pain of becoming untrained. I was fine when I ran (and I looked good in the photos).

I actually finished later than I could have because I encountered another runner in the final miles of the race who had lapsed into unconsciousness, but was still running. At that point it was faster to get him help at the finish line, so I just pushed him around the curves to the gate.

Officials had to tackle him to stop him from running, and the last I saw of him was as he was loaded into an ambulance, wrapped in aluminum foil, with his marathon medal draped on his chest. The medic told me I had saved his life.

I didn’t realize until later that I had crossed marathons off my chart. I learned that day that I can live a vital life without enormous accomplishments that put my life in danger. For clarification, I still run (more slowly) and occasionally complete a half-marathon.

And I listen to my body telling me when to rest.

I still travel the distance of a marathon–just not all at once, and not faster than my body can handle.

Live a vital life.

There are actually 14 martyred Valentines mentioned in historical and Christian records.

Valentine was a pretty common name, but the day is allegedly attributed to one particular Valentine of Rome (Valentinus presb. m. Romae), who lived in the time of Emperor Claudius II.

This was 42 years before Christianity was accepted under Emperor Constantine in 312AD, so Christians were still pretty quiet about their new-found religion.

Claudius had this belief that only single men made good soldiers and made a law forbidding soldiers to marry. Married men were reluctant to leave their families when it came time to go to war, and cautious on the battlefield.

The Imperial Roman army was mainly volunteer at that time.

Valentinus presbyr was a Christian priest and was arrested performing a forbidden marriage under a forbidden religion.

Claudius is reported to have been impressed with Valentinus and interrogated him personally in an attempt to get him to renounce his religion. It would have been a triumph for Claudius to convert the popular Valentinus, but instead, Valentinus tried to convert Claudius to Christianity.

This just made Claudius mad and Valentinus was sentenced to death.

In prison, Valentine reportedly performed a miracle, curing the jailer’s daughter of blindness. Before he went to his execution, he gave her a personal note and signed it, “From your Valentine.”

Romans were big on making the prisoner suffer before he died, so Valentine was beaten with sticks, then stoned, and finally beheaded.

He was buried on February 14, 269AD, the day before the start of the Roman fertility festival of Lupercalia in honor of Juno, Queen of Roman Gods and Goddesses and the Goddess of women and marriage.

It may have been a message sent by Claudius that Valentine the marriage priest was executed just before the start of the festival, when young men drew the names of girls from jars or boxes, and partnered with them for the duration of the festival. Often, these relationships developed into love and marriage.

The love custom of men choosing their life partners was forever connected with the memory of Valentine’s Day.

And the custom of handing lover’s personal notes “from your Valentine” has also survived.

When a person asks an intended partner to “be my Valentine,” it is more than a request to be a lover. The etymology of the name Valentine is “strong” or “healthy.”

“Be my Valentine” means “be my strength” and is a request to be a strong partner.

As time went on, traditions have been established and grown. From the original idea that a token gift should accompany the personal note, gifts have grown to jewelry, flowers, candy and more. Hotel room rentals and restaurants are at their peak on this day.

The red rose has come to symbolize the color of love and passion. Our blood is red, and our complexions may reflect that in time of passion. Red is the color of heat in the form of lava or fire. Since it is the longest wavelength we can see, it is the color of beautiful sunrises and sunsets. Rearranging the letters of “rose” gives us the name Eros, the Roman god of love. And finally, psychological research has shown that men find women who are wearing red more attractive.

Enjoy the day.  Live a vital life.

At the other extreme are the people who take a long time to evaluate a situation.  We will call them the hesitant.  They have to be forced to make a decision; otherwise no decision is their decision.   They think and evaluate and assign different weights to factors and points of views that will influence their choice, then change the weights and evaluate again.  They are afraid to make a wrong choice; and when they finally do, they feel regret and may try to rethink the decision. 

Examples of these people might be the hoarders of today’s society.  The insides of their houses are piled high with everything they have come across in their history.  They cannot make a choice of what to buy so they buy one or more of each.  Once the items pass their useful life, they cannot make the choice to discard. 

Most of us fall between those two extremes.  We feel we can usually make an intelligent and correct decision after evaluating a few key factors.  We may want that expensive sports car, but after evaluating the payments, the insurance, the gas mileage and our actual needs, we will probably choose something more practical.    

We have what psychologists call ambivalence.  We can see the darkness in mostly white choices and the white in mostly dark choices.  We can see both sides of an argument and the value of different factors as they are considered together.  We look at things on the one hand and also consider them on the other hand. 

A synonym for ambivalence is “of two minds.”    

The degree of ambivalence affects people’s lives every day at every major and minor decision crossroad from job choices to life partner choices to where we decide to live.   

There are times when high ambivalence is desirable (making a tough choice) and times when we must be decisive.  Decisive people make decisions quickly and often go with instinct rather than evaluating deciding factors.

Researchers have been investigating ambivalence and how it affects people’s lives by the decisions they make, and they have found that ambivalent thinking is a sign of maturity, enabling people to see the complexities of the world and thereby make better decisions.   

They have also been researching why some people tend toward decisiveness and why some people are ambivalent.  Although they can’t say for sure, personality traits and family history play a role.  People raised with ambivalent parents tend to follow their trend. 

People also tend to follow the easy road when possible.  If they don’t have to make a decision they won’t.  But with a strong need to quickly reach correct decisions, as in the case of a military officer, they can learn to be decisive. 

Our western culture where we feel there is only one right answer is in contrast to eastern cultures with their recognition of dualism, where two differing philosophies may both be right.  

The decisive many times get stuck in their single point of view and refuse to see anything else, causing conflict with others who may also be decisive with a different point of view.  They can focus on only one or a few aspects of a problem without looking at the big picture.  They have no “other hand.” 

In the workplace, the decisive focus on the few things important to them and perform consistently well if they like what they see and badly if they do not.  Ambivalents perform well on some days and badly on other days in response to the good and bad aspects of their job, but will stay at their jobs longer than the decisive. 

The same trends follow with relationships.  Ambivalents never put negative aspects out of their minds, but stay in relationships anyway.     

In the movie “Swing Vote, ” Kevin Costner inadvertently became the single vote needed to choose the next president. His choice would have been no choice, but he became a focus point for the nation.  Who did he choose?

I think he chose…  but on the other hand…

Command a vital life. Live free.

Look what happened to basketball pants — they are now approaching capri-length.  My question is what is so horrible about men’s legs?  Men’s shorts get longer and longer, while women’s shorts seem to get shorter and shorter. 

My closet contains only out-of-fashion shorts, and my style sense has been described by fashionistas as “tragic.” 

Originally, I shunned the out-of-fashion styles lest someone, somewhere, behind my back or around the corner might be secretly pointing at me with a look of disdain and moving me from their “invite” or “include” list to their “do not…” list. 

Fashion paranoia set in.  I would not go out unless I checked the latest ads to see if my wardrobe was current, until one day I had had enough. 

I decided to do a little research into shorts.  Wikipedia was very helpful. 

The definition: In general, pants, trousers and shorts are clothing items worn by both genders on the lower part of the body, circling the waist and covering both legs separately.  Pants extend down to the ankles, shorts are shortened pants covering only the upper part of the leg. 

In the United Kingdom, there is a term “short trousers” that is the American equivalent of “dress shorts,” used in tropical climates (Bermuda shorts) and school uniforms.   Even so, in most countries, they are considered casual wear, so don’t wear them to work (except in Bermuda with long socks, blazer and tie).

Up to the early 20^th century, shorts were worn only by young boys until they reached puberty.  As a result, men shunned shorts to avoid looking immature.  Modesty standards and society mores at the time prevented most women from wearing shorts. 

In the 21^st century, male shorts leg length crept down to below the knee and sometimes down to the calf, as exampled by basketball players in the last three decades.  It is arguable whether they should be called “long shorts” or “short pants.” 

Many males still wear longer shorts but male leg length has started to reverse up and now sits just above the knee.  

Thank goodness.  I thought I was behind the styles.  Now I find myself in the lead. 

I looked through my closet and found I had an adequate supply of jean shorts, all just above the knee, with waists that sit above (not on) my hips.  I have no jean shorts bought with holes in the leg or raggy bottoms.  The few ones I have earned their look and will soon hit the trash. 

I have two pair of cargo shorts, bought for me to look “stylish.”    I have no baggies or vintage short shorts or plaid shorts (I was never a “preppy”).  I ride my bike but do not have any spandex cycling shorts.  I do have some nylon running shorts that are thigh-length, but I bought them years ago, and they are staying. 

My swim suits are about the same length as my running shorts, mid-thigh.  When I go to the beach, the young studs are all wearing board shorts popularized by surfboard riders. To point out how far back they go, in the 1980s, board shorts were called “jams.” 

So what did I learn after all that research?  I learned that I am indeed out of fashion, and unless I replace my entire wardrobe, I will remain “fashion-challenged.” 

The big question is, do I care enough to replace my entire wardrobe with the current fashion of the season?  Probably not.  And do I care that much about those “secret finger pointers somewhere” who will not invite me because of my fashion confusion? 

Who are these people anyway?  I don’t know them.  Will I live my life for people who have outlooks different than me?  My answer is no.    

I’ll stay happily out of fashion, but in the lead.  

And I have learned that if we wait long enough, every style comes back into fashion. 

Command a vital life. Live free.

The ideal body type today for men has become more muscular and bulked up.  The perfect man is seen with narrow waist, six-pack or washboard abs, muscular shoulders and bulging biceps.  This attention has been good for gym memberships and manufacturers of bodybuilding machines.  It has also been good for those of us who endure a generous waistline.

It has not been good for those who have dedicated themselves not only to develop muscles, but also obsess to obtain a perfect body, perhaps going on to unhealthy and dangerous behaviors including steroid and substance abuse. 

Low self-esteem has been found to be a more likely cause of bulk building than the pursuit of health.  The perceived reaction to the future perfect body drives that person to continuously work out, and the social isolation that results is a situation they are used to. 

The problem starts with being dissatisfied with their body image, and they see bulking up as a means of social acceptance.

What they do not see is that people relate to them through their confidence and personality.  What they do not see is there is no one ideal shape or size for all.

Getting in shape is a great goal.  Exercise and diet are still the only healthy way to fitness.

The world is filled with people of all shapes and sizes.  Relationships are built on compatibility between people.  How much time would we spend with a person who had a perfect body and no personality?

While confidence is a major aspect of personality, and toning our body through normal exercise and diet may increase our self-confidence, getting to the point of a healthy body should be the goal. 

Moderation is key.  We should learn when to stop as well as when to start. 

Command a vital life. Live free.

“Happy anniversary,” she said with a chuckle. 

Oops.  I had completely forgotten our anniversary.  The thing that saved me was so did she. 

We made our wedding date the day after Income tax many years ago when I had a business printing out tax returns for accounting and tax services at a computer center.  With last-minute tax preparations, the day after income tax was the first day I could schedule for anything.

Luckily, April 16 was a Saturday and my bride-to-be made all the preparations.  She ordered the cake, invited relatives and friends and even picked out my suit.  When I got up Saturday morning all I had to do was to get dressed. 

That was a small bump in the road we have traveled together for 32 years. 

But life happens and occasionally, normally important things get temporarily lost behind the smoke screen of the immediate problems that we must deal with. 

In the previous weeks, our life has been bumpy.  My middle-thirties daughter suffers from an insidious, incurable disease that has been acting up pretty severely recently.  She has a normal job, but has been sick so often recently, she went on Family Medical Leave (FMLA), a great federal program that allows her time off to go to the doctor and to the hospital to have her disease treated without getting her fired. 

On top of all the visits to local doctors, the Emergency Room and going through an endless array of drugs to try to make her disease manageable she has finally been referred to a surgical facility.  There is no other choice. 

The best hospital for the job is 90 miles away and there are more than several visits before the surgery. 

While my wife drives her down and back, I take care of our ‘almost’ seven-year-old grandson and relieve her of that stress.  We generally wind up together for dinner, and at least we can spend some pleasant time together. 

On another note, as the IRS deadline approached, our son, who made more than a fair amount selling items on Amazon last year, was a nearly nightly visitor to ask for the help of my accountant wife.  He also stayed many times for dinner as well. 

We love having our kids visit, although under these circumstances, it made for a rather hectic lifestyle.  So, April 15 came and went, and it didn’t even occur to me that the following day was our wedding anniversary day. 

I am grateful that my wife has a sense of humor and I rewarded her with an anniversary card and flowers, and we rewarded ourselves by going out to dinner (alone) at a nice restaurant. 

These are some examples of riding the bumps in the road.  We have no say in how life goes.  We can only try to react to circumstances thrust upon us.  And we have lived and been married long enough to ride the little bumps without breaking pace.  We have learned that life has enough of the big bumps. 

All in all, life happens and includes lots of bumps.

Command a vital life. Live free.

Now if you work for an employer, frequent any number of retail businesses, you will have to adjust to their hours.

To many of us who have employers, we arrive the first thing in the am, work until noon, have lunch and return to the battle when our minds are telling us to rest.  We struggle to stay awake, let alone produce.  Later in the afternoon, our brains partially return to a production state, but it is compromised, because there are still many of those little synapses left unsorted and uncategorized. 

Now this is OK for most employers, since they don’t require a great deal of brainpower to perform the job we’ve been hired for, and there are always those databases that protect any loss of information and are sorted and categorized on a regular basis. 

And we do it because we need the money.    

But what is our internal clock saying? 

I like to get up early, get a bunch of work done, have lunch, ‘veg’ out for a couple of hours watching old movies and feeling really delicious about not being a solid citizen.

In the mid-afternoon, my guilt takes over and I hurry back to the computer with my fresh cup of coffee, crank up the guilt for the two hours I stole and put in some of my best work. 

I will continue this until the guilt complex subsides or I have accomplished what I set out to do.  Then I will have dinner with the family and the evening will wind down until my body tells me to shut off and go to bed. 

During the midday meal and the following rest period , and the evening meal and the daily wind-down, I handle no intense thoughts except those that might pop up and I write down for future handling.

Now if I have a deadline of course, I will try to fit it into the hours I am actually working, but if necessary, I will annoy the family by sticking to the job until it is done. 

I survived for many years working for an employer and doing my best to align my body energy tides with the employer’s work schedule.  The major detour was with the after-lunch period.  There was time to eat but not to rest. 

As I became aware of my energy tides, I tried to arrange my day with easier jobs scheduled after the lunch break.  It also helped to have a light lunch so all my blood did not flow from my brain to focus on digesting.  

 The point here is that I learned my energy peaks in the early morning with the hopes of accomplishing my game plan during the day.  Then it starts to wind down and has to be replenished with a meal and a break in the action when my mind goes in for its daily refresher, when I can imagine all those little synapses that were fired up are being sorted and categorized. 

My energy peaks again in the afternoon, when I work feverishly to finish my goals for the day.  The motivation here is the deadline.  A wise man once said something like “there is nothing like an impending tsunami to make you work faster.”

Once I learned the rhythms, I adapted my ‘have to’ schedule as closely as possible and to economize on my energy.  I listen to and work with my body using my high-energy periods to produce the most and pull back when my energy is low. 

Command a vital life. Live free.

Next to go is exercise.  We think we can use that extra time to knock off some of those tasks on our plate.  But without the exercise keeping our bodies regulated, our metabolism slows, we tire faster, tasks take longer, and we feel like we are moving through molasses. 

Rest and activity are our bodies’ prime stress relievers.  Without time spent exercising to keep us sharp and tuned, and time spent sleeping to repair our bodies and realign our minds, stress piles up, resulting in more frustration and anger, the great killer. 

Anger a killer?  Studies show that stress and anger can cascade our bodies into life-threatening states, raising blood pressure, causing headaches and back pain, stomach and colon trouble, and perhaps even embolisms and strokes. 

The best course is to avoid the stress in the first place.  But many times, it finds us, in the form of loss of personal control over our lives or our jobs, facing financial hardship, loss of a loved one or potential loss if they are seriously ill or in the military and deployed to a danger zone.  The reasons are many. 

If we are the caregiver or just the one responsible for keeping things running, we must remember that we can’t do that job if we are sick.  It is our responsibility to deal with both the situation and the stress, so we should protect ourselves and not feel guilty about taking some personal time. 

And how do we do that?  The first two methods we can easily guess. 

Get enough sleep and rest.  We know we have enough sleep if we wake up without an alarm, even if we lay in bed for a short time planning our day.  How much sleep?  As much as it takes.  Some people can get by on six hours sleep and others need nine.  Experiment with the length and don’t cheat.  If we feel we can’t fall sleep, pretend.  Lay still with eyes closed, clear the mind, and sleep will come.  The reason counting sheep works is because it is boring. 

Exercise; work out; walk in the sun.  Fresh air and sunshine are miracles of stress relief. Find an activity to enjoy that will take the place of the worry and stress for a short time.   

Take one thing at a time.  When many things are hitting us at once, it is like a hurricane.  Anyone would just cover up under an onslaught.  Break big projects into smaller tasks, stay focused and finish one thing or reach a checkpoint before starting another.  

Learn to say “no” to requests if they interfere with the main task.  If we have no time to catch up now, it will get worse with more responsibility.  Turn the tables.  Ask for help.  There are always small chores that steal our time but can be done by anyone.  People will respond to our calls for help if they see we are buckling under the pressure. 

We should share our feelings.  Letting it out decreases the pressure level.  Two people sharing feelings halve the pressure.  We all have others in our circle of friends, family and associates who share their feelings when they are in a stressful situation.  

If you don’t have someone you can confide in, get someone.  Build a relationship of trust with another by sharing your experience and being a good listener when they share theirs.  Join a mutual support group. 

Take time during the day to calm down and take a time out.  Power naps or quiet “do not disturb” meditations of 20 minutes resets our system. 

There is no easy solution to the stress many of us deal with on a daily basis.  We do the best we can, we go as far as we can, and should be satisfied with that. 

We know we would do more if we could. 

Command a vital life. Live free.