The ideal body type today for men has become more muscular and bulked up.  The perfect man is seen with narrow waist, six-pack or washboard abs, muscular shoulders and bulging biceps.  This attention has been good for gym memberships and manufacturers of bodybuilding machines.  It has also been good for those of us who endure a generous waistline.

It has not been good for those who have dedicated themselves not only to develop muscles, but also obsess to obtain a perfect body, perhaps going on to unhealthy and dangerous behaviors including steroid and substance abuse. 

Low self-esteem has been found to be a more likely cause of bulk building than the pursuit of health.  The perceived reaction to the future perfect body drives that person to continuously work out, and the social isolation that results is a situation they are used to. 

The problem starts with being dissatisfied with their body image, and they see bulking up as a means of social acceptance.

What they do not see is that people relate to them through their confidence and personality.  What they do not see is there is no one ideal shape or size for all.

Getting in shape is a great goal.  Exercise and diet are still the only healthy way to fitness.

The world is filled with people of all shapes and sizes.  Relationships are built on compatibility between people.  How much time would we spend with a person who had a perfect body and no personality?

While confidence is a major aspect of personality, and toning our body through normal exercise and diet may increase our self-confidence, getting to the point of a healthy body should be the goal. 

Moderation is key.  We should learn when to stop as well as when to start. 

Command a vital life. Live free.

So how do you cross the visual gulf between you, and win her over with your delightful personality, assuring her you are not a dragon, but a knight?  Here are some tips:

1.      Bring supplies to share to the beach.  Include a cooler with sealed water bottles, adult beach toys and games, and plenty of sunscreen.  A shade umbrella might invite as an oasis on a blistering day to a woman you are getting to know.

2.      Stake out a spot where you can be seen without having her being obvious when she’s looking.  Don’t be a peacock and strut your manly build for all to see.  A blanket with stripes or patterns (heaven forbid a cartoon character) makes a subconscious association with children.  A mature man uses a solid colored blanket.

3.      Studies tell us men wearing blue give the impression of stable, faithful, and dependable.  Don’t fake it if you are not.

4.      Decode her suit.  Boy shorts, skirts and conservative tankinis indicate some insecurity about her body.  On the other hand, fluorescent colors and thongs indicate hunger for attention.  A fashionable bikini styled to her body tend to indicate a woman confortable in her skin.  One-piece suits indicate a more mature and sophisticated woman.

–      Realize that these are only guidelines.  Her personality will tell you far more.

5.      Women are rarely alone at the beach.  Approach a small group rather than a pair.  Loyalty is everything to a woman, and she will not trade conversation with you while leaving her best friend verbally stranded.  A coed group is better, because a guy can generally join a game, and when you have passed the protectors’ test, you should be free to be introduced to the females.  Just be careful not to move on the brawny guy’s girlfriend. 

6.      Be friendly.  Talk, laugh and have fun.

7.      Don’t intrude when she’s sunning.  Wait until she’s ready for conversation.  Say hello when she’s at the refreshment stand or taking a beach walk.  Keep it simple.  Ask her if she is having fun. 

8.      If she is sitting on the sand after the first hello, squat down to her face level.  Standing looking down is too dominating. 

9.      Show your self-confidence regardless of your physique.  Women respond to self-confidence in a man. 

10. Women tend to like a just-out-of-the shower scent.  If it looks like you primped and gelled your hair to come to the beach, it makes you look desperate. 

11.  Your clothes over your suit should be neat; sneakers that are white, not dirty, clean jeans and shirt (not ones ready to walk to the washing machine by themselves).  Jeans can be snug, but not as tight as the ones your new friend has.

12.  Leave your bling at home.  Women like a small amount of jewelry on a man, but not an overbearing amount. 

13.  Flatter her figure in a way that is not too specific.  Send her a non-sexual compliment.

14.  Above all, always show respect, and insist the same is returned to you.

15.  Once the conversation is going well, tell her something of yourself.  Women like guys who are solid with their families, because it is a sign they would like families of their own.

16.  Women also like men they can confide in without it being spread all over the locker room.  Be a confidant to her.  Share a small confidence of your own.  The way to get confidence is to give confidence.

17.  Never cover your face or mouth with your hand, or rub your nose, ear or chin.  These are urban myth indicators of a liar.

18.  Explore your common interests.  Ask questions and listen to her when she speaks.  Show her you are interested in her, but don’t hover or hang on every word.  Talk casually.  This is where your self-confidence shows genuine or false.  Be yourself.

19.  Show her you have a non-threatening, in-good-taste sense of humor.  Women like men who make them laugh. 

20. This is the friend-or-lover track dividing line.  If her life story is being poured out, you might be heading toward the friend track.  If she puts you into the friend category, you will stay there forever.  A friend will take her hand and try to comfort her.  Flirt a little and caress her in a non-threatening way, perhaps on her lower back, lower arm, palm or lower leg.

21.  Take off your shades.  Look in her eyes.  Watch her body language and eye contact.  If she constantly avoids your eyes, she is probably just being polite and is looking for a way out.  Give it to her. 

22. If she wants out, it’s OK to let her know you get her signal with a smile and a light and friendly ending comment like, “I’ll let you enjoy the rest of your day.”  The smile is important.  Move out.  Return to your blanket and shade.  If you were mistaken, she may stop you, restart the conversation, or come visit you later.  If not, enjoy the rest of your day.

23. Not all initial conversations go smoothly.  Women are people too.  She may need some time to compose herself, but women like men who “get it.”

24. If the conversation warrants, give her your number so she can call you later.  Tell her you would like to see her again.  Ask her if you can call her, then get her number.  Don’t pressure her.

25. The goal here is to present yourself as a self-confident potential lover and to make a connection.  Women go through a combination of emotional and physical feelings when they meet a man whether they want to be intimate, be friends, or have no further contact.

26. Women crave an alpha male in their lives, and secretly hate when a man:

• gives up his power of autonomy in exchange for his woman’s attention and approval (too many relationships are killed by this one factor alone)
• yields his leadership to his woman by always asking her for direction on where to go, how to act and what to say, then obeying it
• becomes needy and insecure, hovering and following her everywhere (people need space and time for themselves)
• uses insecure, approval-seeking voice tone and body language
• is boring and predictable.  A woman wants a man who is interesting, makes her feel good, and lights her sexual fires.

Women today have a difficult enough time separating out the monsters and creeps from potential mates.  Don’t add to their stress.

Command a vital life. Live free.